Bisexual Girls Club

I don’t know why I keep trying the personals sites when I often get frustrating results. I guess it’s because sometimes I do get some pretty decent responses and meet some cool chicks. The potential is still there, I suppose, at least for the most part. Admittedly though, it’s a lot more aggravating than it used to be.

Sometimes I suspect I’m corresponding with a person who is not actually interested in meeting. Sometimes I suspect I’m really corresponding with a man (yeah, I know some of you have had that feeling too) pretending to be a woman. Although, fortunately it’s not actually often enough to discourage me from the whole thing altogether, it’s disappointing to go through an exchange that turns out to just someone collecting pictures (then again women can certainly be just as guilty of that too). This is exactly why I say please save the x-rated shots for until after we meet. And I really hate getting those kinds of pics when I don’t ask for it.

Regardless, I was willing to give this bikini-clad girl a chance. This is what I get for having a little too much faith… I usually don’t bother if they send a racy picture first. In those cases I have rarely (if at all) been wrong about my assumption that they are somehow not for real. It has often turned out that they are not actually a woman or it’s a woman who inevitably flakes and can never really make a plan to meet up. Maybe she just wants someone to see all her “sexy” pictures and boost her confidence. Or maybe she or he wants to add more pictures to their own collection. Oh, please give me more pictures they say… no, they are not looking to meet real people. And if they are and they don’t get it, then well, I’d rather not bother to tell them they come out like assholes to me.

I try to stop corresponding, but sometimes I feel like I need to give them a piece of my mind. That is probably a bad call since it must just boost up their confidence some more because it mattered to me that much. Yet I do it on the chance that I might inspire some remorse in them. Do I think I’m a better person for it? No. Not at all… Still it offers a tiny bit of relief. Maybe it’s all such a pointless game really. Here I am trying to confirm my suspicions that the person was as “fake” as I thought they were to begin with. Maybe it’s a setup and I’m just traveling down a nonsense path of cyber-rage. I know. I try to ignore these people. I really do.

So I get this picture from this girl “Jaydee”.

And I respond in kind with a picture of mine (not X-rated) and say, “Hey, Here I am. Let me know if you’re interested in meeting up.

And Jaydee responds: NICE PIX !! Do you have a nude shot ??

So I simply write back to Jaydee: Block!

And posting here was all I could do to keep myself from cursing out that Jaydee. Man that really boils my blood.

I almost wanted to post the email address and picture too. I wondered: Is this a woman who has no fucking manners? Is it a man AND his girl’s picture and both of them have no manners? But then I considered:Is it someone posting some random woman’s picture and she’s just an innocent bystander? Regardless, I don’t want to waste an afternoon exchanging pictures with someone I’ve never met. The whole point of my efforts is to meet a person face to face.

If a person is really interested, they won’t just keep asking for more pictures. That’s just a waste of time, I don’t care how eagerly my friends suggest “Respond to those naked picture emails. What’s the worst that could happen?” It’s just aggravating as all hell. I can’t even really trust people who initially respond with a naked picture and want me to do the same. It’s not even about them wanting to send my picture all over the internet. I mean, I’m already sending it around and I have posted it here. I’m not naive to think other people besides the intended recipient won’t see it. If anything I should be worried about the x-rated polaroids my ex never gave back. But, like I really care about that either. I put myself out there and I’ve made my choice so I deal with any consequences. I try not to do things that will come back and bite me in the ass by at least taking responsibility for my own decisions. But anyone who asks for constant picture exchange before they can agree to meet is ultimately taking you on a road to nowhere and keep you on cyber world like a son of a bitch.

Look, I’m not saying my pictures are precious. Lots of girls say they don’t feel comfortable sending pictures over the internet – okay, I’ll give you that you would be more cautious with your x-rated pictures of course, but this comes up when talking about non-xrated pictures. Are they seriously afraid everyone will find out their picture somehow made it to the internet and all their secrets will be revealed?? I think that’s silly. It’s not like there so much security on the internet so long as you don’t send a picture. I don’t care about pictures of me floating around. What if someone took a picture of you without you knowing and shared that with all the perverts they know? You just can’t really control where your image goes. The best you can do is control where you place yourself (not your image). I’m not trying to pretend there are no safety issues on the internet either (I actually had an email stalker once, which made me rethink my whole dating approach). I’m just saying that in terms of dating, there’s so much more to worry about outside of the internet.

The only way to know for sure if things could work out with someone is to meet in person, and even then you still can’t be sure what crazy person you’re dealing with. It’s just that I’d much rather interact with real live people than with images on my computer and you have one extreme who refuses to send out their picture (as if that’s really the best way to protect themselves) and another extreme who would rather collect images of other “potential” daters than meet real people. I hate to get sucked into that.

Part I-Anticipation

Kat wrote:
My goodness it was so nice to hear your voice. It was good to hear that you are still playing ball. That was always such a turn on _blush. I must say I am very nervous about seeing you tomorrow. I will definitely try to look my best.

Later, after a brief meeting…

John wrote:
Mmmmm… Damme mas!

John wrote:
Damn those lips!!!!! You’ve got me all hor….ummm….happy now. ; P

Kat wrote:
It took all my strength to do it, but know that I absolutely did not want to pull away from you. I certainly could not get enough of a dose of you to sustain me till next week…. On my way home I will imagine what other trouble we can get into soon…

By the way, I don’t know if you noticed my eyes looking down to see just how happy you got ;) but yeah, I couldn’t help myself… Mmmmmm

John wrote:
I had to resist tremendously from sliding my hand up your skirt!! Who knows what would have happened if I did.

Kat wrote:
The front side or the back side of my skirt? I would have welcomed either with lips parted and a warm smile ;)

John wrote:
I’ve NEVER forgotten your backside!! It’s what’s getting me warmed up right now.

Kat wrote:
You’re killing me here…

Kat wrote:
You have no idea what I want to do to you… And you aren’t even online that much so boy you really keep a girl trembling; aching for more. Do you even realize what you do to me after all these years? Always such a patient man that you are you’re probably not even breaking a sweat over it (me). Mmmmm what I wouldn’t do to have another taste right now.

even later…

John wrote:
What are you wearing today?

Kat wrote:
I do have a sexy corsette with garter belts.

John wrote: Mmmm garter belts are VERY sexy!! I can’t wait to take them off with my teeth.

Kat wrote:
You animal you :O I won’t be using my teeth on you much though. I’ll let my tongue do most of the work…

John wrote:
Hello “Pussy”….Oooops…I mean Kitty. haha

My hands are cold. Can I slide them up your inner thighs for some warmth?

Kat wrote:
Oh my _faint

You asked me before about my wish list. What’s on my wish list can’t be fulfilled in one hour or two.

You smell just like I remember. You look and felt so good the other day. I wondered what else you would have done to me had I let you?

I want your tongue to melt into mine… and into other places… will you like the way I taste?

John wrote:
I’m pretty sure I’ll like lots of things about you now. I just can’t wait to show you my……..apartment. ; P

John wrote:
So Miss Kitty, will I get to see you purrr like a kitten and crawl on all fours while
wearing nothing but your garter belts and (thong??)?

Kat wrote:
I may need to take a shower at your place … would you mind if I did?

John wrote:
I don’t mind at all. I’ll help you undress.

John wrote:
You never answered my question:

“Will I get to see you purrr like a kitten and crawl on all fours while wearing nothing but your garter belts and (thong??)?”

***
Part II-Elation

Kat wrote:
I can’t stop thinking about how much I want you all over me. You are so fucking tasty I just want to eat you up. And I want you to consume me. You can take my body and do with it as you please. I want to feel your touch on every inch of my body. It’s no surprise I was trembling so much (especially when I was on top of you – just picture it for a second…driving your cock hard and fast into me- it makes me shiver and moan right now thinking about it). I want to pounce on you MEOW!

I remember that night at your apartment when you made dinner (back in the day) and you had me so wet before we had sex I probably had several orgasms just anticipating what was coming to me from underneath your pants. I hate to wait so long to see you again, but the anticipation will probably just mean that I will be that much more wet for you by the time we get to take each other’s clothing off (I’m imagining you fingering me right now to help me use up some of the juices).

Ummph makes me wanna do somethin’!

John wrote:
I was itching to email you too but I didn’t want to set the wrong example by doing personal stuff in front of the new co-worker. You were beyond amazing. It was an unforgettable short night.

We would have gone for round 2 if you didn’t have to go. Did you get there ok? But yeah, don’t think anything negative. It was ALLLLL GOOOOOOOD!!! ; ) I’ll email you tmrw. Taste you later. ; )

Kat wrote:
I will definitely have to stay longer next time (if you’ll let me). I feel like I couldn’t get enough of you. I wonder if you could really do round 2?

I was ready for it. I wonder how many hours you would need to be able to go round 3??

Your tongue was so delicious and soft and felt so fucking good lapping away at my pussy. Your huge cock thrusting deep into me made me completely loose control. Was I juicy enough for you? Oh my. Sorry, am I being too dirty? I want you all over me. Licking me and playing with me till I have an orgasm and then you can enter me and make me orgasm again and again. We could fuck and suck each other on the floor, on the couch, on the kitchen counter, in the shower. My body is still burning for your touch ;) I would like to taste you again and again.

So, when am I going to get to see you again? I’m picturing you now in just your towel barely on hiding your hunger… purrrrrrr….

John wrote:
Wow. Now that kind of talk really got me turned on!! I’m stiff just reading your email. Your ass was a pure fucking delight!! I can hit it for hours! And your wet pussy felt so warm and juicy around my thick cock. Mmmmmm I’m fucking you in my mind right now!! Imagining us 69’ing each other makes me want to explode in my pants.

Looking forward to our next…ummmm…appointment.

Kat wrote:
Monday night seems like too long ago and our next time is probably too far away. I need fresh inspiration from you.

Your voice was music to my ears. Sorry I missed your call but I was out to dinner and then catching a movie so I couldn’t pick up. I tried calling you around 11am, but then hung up because I realized given your work schedule that you might be in transit. I had hoped to actually catch you and say hello. Of course like a dork I always try your house first by mistake so you’ll probably see my caller ID. Don’t worry, I am not stalking you. LOL. Anyway, you are a hard man to get a hold of. I didn’t know if it was okay to leave a message on your answering machine so I figured I’d better not. I’m mostly just leave the calling up to you (though that is an extreme test of my patience as I would like nothing more than speak with you whenever I have the urge meow).

But there are some parts of that night still fresh in my mind. Imagine what impression could be left when we to spend more than an hour together.

So, did my email really make you stiff? Just thinking about you getting stiff is making my pussy pulsate a little. I have to squeeze my legs tightly together to keep from moaning out loud. I would like nothing more than to spread them for you right now. Like the gesture you made in the restaurant, I’d like to toss everything off my desk and tear off our clothing so we can have our way with each other. Then I’d wrap my moist lips around you and let my tongue tease you a little…

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but you always make me a little nervous. Like when you were getting your dick ready for me as you positioned yourself on the bed and I played with myself while I waited for god knows what pleasure I was about to get! Just anticipating our next time is making me wet.

But I’ll have to satisfy myself with the little bit from you that I can get until then. No matter how short, naughty or sweet, it always warms me up to get a little note from you. Hopefully we can schedule another session soon… I don’t mind geting dinner or drinks or whatever, but you know me – I’m easy. I just want to get some of your sweat dripping on me at some point _{wink wink}

John wrote:
Hey girl,

I will drip my jizzz on you whenever you want. I’m imagining your
lips wrapped around my cock right now. The way you talk turns me on all
the time. Your moans make me want to explode too soon. It’s extremely difficult holding back my jizz from exploding all over you. I want to savor every fuck session for as long as we can. No 20 minute jobs here.

FUCK, I’m hard right now.

I want your ass on Monday if you’re available. My place? Bed, shower, floor, table etc…. we can go WILD. I’m going to call you in a bit though you mentioned
that you probably won’t be available. I’ll take my chances.

I want to be stroked by you right now. Wrap that hand around my
meat and stroke it with your hand, your lips and slide that tongue up and
down my shaft! Mmmmmm That pussy must be wet by now. See you Monday?

Kat wrote:
It’s not even Monday and I’m already looking forward to the fourth or fifth time we get to fuck. I can’t help moaning so much when I’m around you. You make me feel so juicy all the time. I’m left breathless at the thought of you slapping my big round ass with your penis and busting a nut all over my cheeks(guess which ones, my face or my bottom). And that could be just part one. I don’t know how long you’ll want to keep coming back for more, but I just really hope you stick around for a while. We also have to have another meal together don’t we? That’s a nice build up too…

Speaking of meals and dessert and such – I want to stroke your penis till it swells up nice and thick, but I have to remember how you like to be pleased. I want to lick you and rub you just right. Will you help me? I want to torture you with pleasure. It makes me tremble when your skin is pressed against mine. I long for the flick of your tongue on me, my pussy juices all over your face (it’s okay if you make a mess). Each moment of ecstasy, every orgasm, simply makes me want more. I can cum in so many different ways just thinking about your throbbing hard on….ummm my mouth is watering.

I’m telling you honestly, your huge dick scares me a little. You have to help me get used to it. I will need several sessions before I can really learn to please you right. Are you going to be okay with that?

Maybe this time when you greet me you will have all your clothing on so that we can build up a little and I can help you undress. It will be a little mysterious. I’ll be thinking what lies under all that? What does he have in store for me next?

John wrote:
Mmmmm my dick just swelled 3x it’s size after reading your email. I can’t wait to see your lovely mouth wrapped around my shaft just sucking away with delight. You suck it soooooooo fucking good.

So missy, what sexy thing will you be wearing for me tonight?

Kat wrote:
How can you even walk around with that thing?? Fuck, I want to grab your dick just thinking about how hard it can get. Have you ever jerked off in the bathroom at work? That would be so hot if you told me that you did that one of these days. I did once when I was 18 – at my summer job. I put the seat cover down in the bathroom, sat down and spread my legs. Then I lifted one and kept it propped against the heating vent. My fingers slid expertly up and down even in and out as juices gushed all over. I wondered if someone was going to walk in on me or if they were going to hear me moaning. Then I wondered if cameras were installed and if I was going to get fired. My clit was so hard at the thought of getting caught that it was pulsating for the rest of my shift. I could hardly concentrate at work. I’m telling you, nothing upset me that day.

Too bad I don’t have an office now because sex at work is one of my huge fantasies. Well, specifically getting eaten out under my desk… but any kind of sex will definitely do. Imagine that you’re checking your emails when suddenly a hot number (hips swinging, ass jiggling, luscious lips) comes up to you and holds her arms so tight that her boobs practically fall out of their tiny blouse, nipples almost poking through the thin material. She tells you softly that it’s very cold in your office and you promise that you will turn the heat up if she can wait a moment. I’m sure you could figure out how to take care of her right there and then (you can fill in the rest of this fantasy). And you wouldn’t have to worry about adjusting your pants when you got up from your desk to grab a hold of her.

You can just let her unzip you as she gets ready to show her gratitude.

I once imagined that you would do just that for me when I went to visit you at your desk back in the day. It was hard for me to resist you then, it’s probably harder now. You’ve gotten a lot more delicious in your old (lol) age.

As for what I’m wearing, I always try to keep that a surprise. That’s just how I do. And if I just can’t figure out what to wear, then I’ll just have to wear a trench coat with nothing underneath.

Okay you big sweet stud. I will see you tonight. I hope you are looking forward to it as much as I am ;)

John wrote:
Mmmmmm You’re really good at getting me excited! One of my fantasies (a simple one for now) is for you to stay one night at my apt. Then, in the middle of the night, you quietly crawl under the sheets and suck my dick ever sooo slowly. Savoring every inch of it. Licking from the top head, up and down my thick, hard shaft and down to my balls. Mmmmm Spit on it and make it slippery and wet! OH fuck, I’m so hard rite now. Email me and tell me what you think.

Kat wrote:
That could be worked out certainly, but it would have to be on a non school night. I would prefer not to have to rush out so early in the morning if you wouldn’t mind (especially since you would be able to continue sleeping and I’d be so jealous of your head on the pillow!), though I hope you will not be looking to empty your apartment too early tonight either.

By the way, have you ever actually woken up to getting your dick sucked? I’d like nothing more than to spit all over your shaft and lap it all up. Maybe after all the excitement you’d have to clean up my face since it would be covered with all your jizz. Treat me right tonight and next email will be nice and dirty I promise…

***
Part III-Reminiscing

Kat wrote:
This is not good at all. I am trying to get something accomplished here and all I keep doing is thinking of you. I might as well just give in to it a little.

I can definitely taste your lips. I want to hold you close to me and give you a long wet hard kiss. When I get to kiss you again, you’ll have to pull me away with your strong hands because I’ll be trembling, desperately trying to take in more of you. I will hardly let myself catch my breath not wanting to miss any moment of your delicious lips and tongue.

I can imagine you slowly easing me to the floor and spreading my legs. Then you might just find that there is no underwear to remove and you’ll dive right in for a taste. My nicely shaved pussy will be dying for your attention. You’ll stick a finger inside me and find that I’m very sticky – juicy slippery yearning for your cock to thrust into me, but you won’t satisfy me like that. You’ll lather my pussy with your tongue and suck on my clit now and again. You’ll hear me moaning, my whole body heating up. I know your big dick will be aching for me, and my pussy will be dripping so badly needing you inside me, but you will just lick some more before you bring out the lube, waiting for my orgasm, asking me if I would like to cum for you. You’ll lick faster and faster and then slow down a little while your tongue teases my clit a little more. Eventually the juices will be too much for your mouth and you’ll have to use your hand. Fingering my clit to orgasm. Oh my god I will cry out, and then I’ll be yours to fuck.

You’ll still make my pussy ache for more because you will frst take a moment to mouth fuck me for a little bit. You’ll hold my head while you try to stick your dick as far into my mouth as I can take it. The more you tease me the more I will want you. When I can’t take the mouth fucking anymore (I will try to be good and take the torture), you will have to get your penis ready and I’ll moan in anticipation, knowing that your huge thick cock is going to thrust deep inside me and make everything better very soon.

Once you’re finally inside my warm and tight hole, I will moan in ecstacy as I cum all over and over again just for you (Remember when I was close to the edge of the bed and grabbing at the blanket on your bed? Oh, you give me such sweet torture I can almost feel it now just thinking about it).

I will sit on you and take you in some more and hold you tight to my body, shivering some more while my pussy juices spill all over your cock. Up and down I will go, enjoying every inch of you over and over again, our bodies dripping sweat all over each other. (I get really wet just thinking about sitting on your cock)

And finally you will turn me around and smack my ass with your penis and take me from behind. I know you love fucking that ass of mine. And you will pump away till you’re ready to explode – or whichever way you want to release your load. You can always taunt me some more I think I can take it as long as you continue to feed the fire. We’ll continue fucking and sucking on each other till we collapse. I can’t wait to feel your hard cock in my hands and have you inside of me again. How does that sound? Trust me, I am very warm and wet inside, waiting for Sunday.

_kisses

Jonh wrote:
Wow!!!!!!My dick is in my hand but it’s yearning for yours!!!

***
Part IV-Denial

When you have to ask for it this way, it’s time to admit to yourself the magic is already gone. Of course asking for it isn’t bad in it of itself… but then again maybe that’s debatable as to whether this was a case of jumping the shark
Kat wrote
I know you wanted some more picture so maybe I’ll send you one just before I leave…

I also had a favor to ask of you. I think I told you something to this effect, but I can cum in many ways – from penetration of my pussy and ass (no I’m not offering the latter…hee hee, just giving you the fyi – not everyone can cum this way). Then there are also the orgasms from playing with (or licking) my clit. A more obvious one, but the clitorgasms for me are slower to get to and a little harder to come by when I don’t have a chance to concentrate. Maybe because of stress, I’ll admit I haven’t been hitting those lately.

I wondered if you could help me reach that the next time we meet up. I might need some individual uninterrupted attention for maybe 20 minutes (maybe less, with care I could probably get there in 5-10 minutes). Actually, sometimes I wish a woman would just tell me exactly what to do because it’s so hard reading someone’s mind and even their body when you’re just getting to know them (or getting reacquainted after many years).

Even though (or maybe because of this fact) I thoroughly enjoy sucking on your delicious cock, that alone can make it difficult for me to concentrate on my own climax. I’ve also been a little worried about it taking me too long and I don’t want you to feel bored so I figured it would be more fun to feel you inside me mmmm (and when you get so excited about it going there, you just drive me nuts and get me excited about it too).

I must admit I was definitely still nervous the first couple of times with you. I guess as I’ve gotten a little more comfortable with you, I’ve realized that this is something I would like to share with you. I don’t want you to feel like I’m going to ignore you. So, I’m asking, would you be willing to try making me cum with your hand or tongue before we start focusing on you the next time?

The good thing is that when I cum that way, I could let you do just about anything to me (including some mouth fucking – maybe you could even give me a pearl necklace – yeah, I mean cum on my face and tits or whatever else you’d like me to try within reason of course, I don’t think I’d like to get into any S&M lol). That also just makes me cum harder when you slip inside me and I’ll just squeeze tighter for you ;)

I normally don’t even ask. Either it happens or it doesn’t. I considered whether I should just wait till I see you to ask for this favor. But I didn’t want it to seem like I was being too demanding. And since we’re not going to see each other for a little while, maybe this is something you and I can both enjoy thinking about until the next time we see each other.

I like to explore your body as well and I think you’ve found me to be very easy going. I just felt this yearning to have you touch me in this way and wanted to make sure you understood where I was coming from. I realize that it can be difficult to get to a place with someone when you really badly want to make it feel right, so I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you in any way. Believe me this will be rewarding for both of us I think. I don’t want you to think I haven’t been enjoying every single thing we’ve done. And I’m not asking you to put my needs first so that I can just forget your needs once I’m satisfied. I get more satisfaction out of both of us being satisfied. Maybe I’m just not that good at multitasking sometimes. It’s not always easy for me to ask for certain things. All complications aside, I just wanted to share this with you. So far you’ve been so open and understanding about everything so I hope you will enjoy helping me with this ;)

Since it’s all about sharing, you can tell me what you want help with and we’ll take turns. You help me and then I will help you. Does that sound okay?

Purrrrr….

John wrote:
Hahahah I’m not much of a talker but I have no problem making you come first next time. I’ll just let my tongue and fingers do all the work.

***

Epilogue

So there was initially this big ANTICIPATION about meeting up with him again. I wanted to have sex with a new person, but a person who was really not so new and felt safe and trustworthy. It IS hard to find that.

From the very beginning, it was difficult to see this as just sex. I mean we did have a history together. But really, that’s all it was. JUST SEX. I mean, I’m not so naive that I thought this guy would actually be into this whole polyamory deal. I just thought we could develop a little more of a bond. Stupid me, I think.

That’s probably why I also stuck around for as long as I did even though the sex went quickly from absolutely amazing to well really not very orgasmic at all. It wasn’t that he didn’t have nice sized dick. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to use it. I didn’t try to compare like a friend once did asking a mutual sex partner if she thought my husband’s dick was bigger and when she said yes he was distraught – well if he couldn’t handle the truth he shouldn’t have asked. The truth, in my mind, is that there is no man who can compare to Lex. He has the right size (he did win a biggest dick contest after all, but fortunately for me, he’s not too big, because although some women are size queens, a 12 inch dick is something I would not be running to any time soon) AND he knows how to use it, but he knows how to use other parts as well. A lot of people forget about all those other good things… but as usual I digress. Like I said, I wasn’t trying to compare.

I just knew that I wanted something more than just pumping away in all sorts of positions. That seriously only gets me so far. And so I tried to make excuses so that I could justify why this wasn’t just me getting some extra dick or just giving him exactly what he wanted. I was the perfect candidate to fulfill his needs. I am married after all and he never had to worry that I’d try to hang around too long. But it became somewhat mundane for me. And I did find my answers. Could it ever have been something more? No, not at all.

Sometimes, I think the mere idea of it was more exciting than anything else. I mean, here I was with a lover… it has a sexy ring to it. But at the same time, I thought I would reach some depth with him. I enjoyed pretending that he was something like he used to be. And maybe I was pretending I was something like what I used to be.

Certainly in the beginning, there seemed to be this great fire. It was like an anticipation that had been building for 8 years, even though I hadn’t really thought about him since then, actually only till recently. And then he showed up in my myspace inbox, “[Hey, it’s me John, remember that candle light dinner I prepared for you and the walk we took along the piers]? It just gave me a boost that after all these years a guy I remembered to be very sweet and sexy was right in front of me once again. And then after we had sex a couple of times, there was ELATION and some REMINISCING, but then after we had sex a couple more times, well, there was no more greatness and maybe along with the reminiscing, there came some DENIAL.

He did tell me he had an open relationship with his girlfriend just as I had an open relationship… but as it turns out he did NOT have such an open relationship after all and well it took me a while to really respond to that the way I should have in the first place. I wanted it to be something different. I wanted him to mean more than he did, more than he could have. It was me in a place where I loved one man very deeply (Lex of course) and then there was this other guy who I thought was awesome… Maybe I wanted to believe it was like a test of my commitment to the ideals of polyamory… anything but what it was.

I completely forgot about all the reasons I broke up with him in the first place. All these feelings from before crept back up and I sold myself on the idea that maybe I shouldn’t have broken up with him. Was it guilt? Was it greediness? A little of both? I wanted another shot at seeing where it could have gone. I wanted another chance to not feel like the bad guy. Maybe I liked pretending I was more important to him than I really was. Maybe it was the fact that he was a little more than halfway decent to me once, but that time had passed. He obviously got lucky looking up an ex who was not jaded and well we had some good times. I just wonder why I didn’t break things off the moment I know I could no longer reach an orgasm with him. I tried not to be shallow, but lets face it, I wasn’t trying to move in with the guy. But like I said, there was DENIAL.

It was also fun exchanging steamy emails and seemingly building up to the next time, but the next time just got less and less interesting. Until one day, his kiss just didn’t do it for me anymore. And then the whole thing happened so fast the next day I came up with a few more excuses, but finally just had to admit, “this isn’t working for me.” But we went on for a while without me saying what I really felt inside and I just avoided him for months, putting him off again and again (and I seriously hate that passive aggressive nonsense that women always pull like it’s not “yes” but it’s not “no”, but here I was doing exactly what I hate…) well the justification was that he had a girl and he wasn’t waiting for an answer from me (another thing I hate that women pull… well you have each other so you don’t need an answer from me – but guess what we are also individuals and yes, we do appreciate a heads up whatever it might be), but he WAS needing an answer and I didn’t own up to that – both for him and for myself.

And I owed it to myself to stop pretending. I have to work on being more assertive, I know that much. But this is all a part of me understanding how to communicate my feelings with others regardless of whether or not they’re going to think I’m weird because I have emotions.

And I wondered why John stuck around for so long emailing me and calling me inviting me now and again despite my many refusals and postponements. Truth is it was no skin off his back (though he probably would have appreciated an answer sooner) to just check up on me as long as I didn’t say no, sex with me was still an option (though still – who sticks around for that long without getting any from that person – see why it might seem a little confusing?). And when I finally said no, it was as simple as that. His answer to “this isn’t working for me” was simply, I understand… we are at different points in our lives…” Maybe I wanted him to ask me what was missing, what was wrong… but it’s my own fault for not learning detachment. He seemed to have not been as affected. For me it was never that simple, but it really should have been. What confused me was definitely our history. And I kept going back and forth in my mind… do I want more or not?

And I did let it go for so long because of our history, but I know now history is history and no matter how much you build on it for a long lasting loving relationship, it doesn’t mean much in the realm of just sex. Next time I want so badly not to seem like the bad guy, I should just look inside myself and find the truth because as long as I have that then I can be sure to go in the right direction. Casual sex comes in many forms and it takes a lot more than some history to build up to a relationship. We never really shared all that much is the thing I had to admit to myself.

A particularly steamy date – this is her perspective of the night:

Your ruler, Uranus, meets clever Mercury and seductive Venus on January 15, and with a soft touch, focused mind and unfailing determination, you will be able to pry open even the coldest heart or most stubborn mind. Some Aquarians will dribble this power away on ego-driven encounters, one-night stands or unrealistic projects; the smart ones will initiate changes in their attitudes and show the world that they are among the great movers, thinkers and lovers of the zodiac.

That was my Planet Terry horoscope for this week. I only read it on the 16th, and was worried that maybe I had dribbled away my power for ego’s sake the previous day. Today I realize that this weekend I did indeed have a change in attitude and know that I have progressed and learned more about myself and my desires for happiness.

I have been into online dating for a few months now and have met mostly duds but a few possibilities just good enough for sex. Although I specified man or woman as my gender preference, very few women seemed interested or interesting to me. A week ago I got an email from a very cute, sweet looking Latina named Les, and we got together for drinks and what I figured might just be a nice little hook up session. I got to her apartment and was not only very attracted to her but felt instantly comfortable. Moments later I met her roommate, Lex. He was a 6’5” skinny guy, a little dorky looking, but down to earth and down right charming. We had a few drinks and soon were laughing and talking about all manners of things. When I saw that there was only one bedroom with one bed I was a little pissed — I never responded to couples online who wanted me to join in for a threesome — after all, the ones I’ve had have always been uneven and not all that much fun. But, I just couldn’t resist Les. She has this cocoa butter body, long curly soft dark hair, firm little tits, a little waist, and an ass that was taunting me. I figured maybe it wouldn’t matter if Lex watched, after all, I like voyersim and am used to it. They showed me Lex’ online blog, Naked Loft Party, and told me about their lifestyle. I was more than intrigued; almost mesmerized when I saw some of the beautiful pictures of them with various sexy women and Lex’ huge hard cock and invariably got horny as hell. Les and I were on the bed, touching and kissing. Our tops came off and our breasts felt amazing rubbing against each other. Our long curly hair intertwined and her soft lips were on mine. I kissed her passionately and grabbed her ass and it felt like heaven. When Lex came over and started to touch us just a little I wanted him to touch some more. Soon it was an all out threesome, naked and dripping and soft and pulsing.

We were symbiotic, delicious, never awkward and always receiving and giving pleasure. Les and I would be in a deep tonguing 69 while Lex was pumping his dick into her with his shaved balls falling into my mouth. Lex would be eating me out while Leslie was on top of me kissing and licking — my right hand jerking Lex off and my left deep in Les’ pussy. There is nothing like eating a girl out with her ass in your face while getting fucked deep and hard.

There were so many positions and pleasures, each a new delicacy, never anyone left out, always an appreciating comment or sound. After hours of this we were starving and went out for Chinese as comfortable as any good friends. We caused a commotion in a bar and knew we were too frisky for the general public. Back at the apartment we couldn’t get enough of each other, and stayed up late on a school night.

That was Thursday, and Saturday night, Sunday and Monday we existed in ecstasy together. Not constantly having sex, (when we weren’t we were still naked and undoubtedly feely) but forming an actual relationship that worked three ways. It suddenly seems to me that having a boyfriend and a girlfriend is what I’ve always wanted. It makes so much sense that I feel stupid to have never seen this as a remote possibility. Threesomes were always in my life as friends — why shouldn’t it work just as well with hot sex thrown in?

***
In my defense, she did arrive early and I was planning on taking her to another spot so we could get to know each other. I did not have any assumptions about where the night would lead. Although I won’t pretend I didn’t have some naughty ambitions, it’s never a deal breaker if we don’t have a threesome. Luckily it all worked out deliciously.

12:21am 19177108560: Want 2 fuck u
12:24am Me: Who is this?
12:27am 19177108560: Do u want 2 fuck
12:28am Me: I have no idea who this is. Why would I want to fuck you if I don’t even know who you are?
12:30am 19177108560: I want 2 fuck u want 2 meet
12:32am 19177108560: Call me
12:33am Me: How did you get this number?
12:33am Me: Is this a man or a woman?
12:35am 19177108560: Man du want 2 meet
12:35am Me: Nope
12:38am 19177108560: Why not
12:38am Me: You’re already boring me
12:39am Me: Who are you?
12:40am 19177108560: Come on give me a chance
12:46am 19177108560: Want 2 fuck

What the fuck?
How the hell did I end up giving my number to an asshole? At first I was actually interested in finding out who the hell it was in case it was a joke. Then it just pissed me off. It’s so easy to get harrassed left and right these days – too many ways to be reached. So far he has not become a stalker. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten worse texts. I have to be more careful who I give my goddamn number to, but I thought I already was. And I don’t normally give my number to men. I have always been more cautious with them.

What would you have done?

Perhaps I should post his number in on some kind of hard core site, but maybe he would enjoy that too!

I probably should not have responded at all. It’s too bad I don’t have time to find out who the hell that is – like they always do in the movies. It’s probably a lot simpler than I realize, but I really don’t have time to deal with it, so here it is. Maybe now I will be able to laugh about it.

Hell, it kind of of pisses me off that it could have been someone I did actually want to fuck, if he hadn’t been such an ass. It’s not like I haven’t responded to or given a booty call before… but one of my requirements is to at least have a name before I come out to play. I guess I’m just a little bit reserved that way.

***
Update:

2:09am 19177335853: Want a fuck u

I never responded to this one and was never bothered again. So, I either pissed someone off (though I can’t imagine anyone except maybe the girl who said I had man-hands or the girl I didn’t know who sent me a picture of her pussy long ago —before I realized that’s just the way some people on craigslist do things and it was nothing personal— and I did not respond too kindly to them… but that was so long ago, they have to be pretty pathetic as to carry the vengeance this far) and they gave my number to whoever, or this is the new spam.

Consumer beware. Maybe the phone companies will eventually allow you to block texts received from specific numbers or provide a better filter system.

On the day of our date, I was pretty confident that it (the date) would actually happen. Oddly enough, we hadn’t spoken. But we had confirmed by text. Although we hadn’t contacted each other the previous night, which I usually like to do just to remind the girl and make sure she knows I am still interested, it seemed okay this time. This girl was different. She didn’t need my reassurance. Just the same, I try to follow up whenever I can. So, to continue in our usual fashion, I texted her.

I can’t restate enough times, though, that it’s usually very important to actually have a phone conversation because it helps to feel more comfortable with each other. There are a lot of girls who don’t actually get how important that is. I admit, sometimes I’m scared to call because I’m afraid that will be the beginning of the end if the phone conversation is awkward somehow. And when I get the most frustrated with women, I think about that because it might not be that they don’t care, rather they might be as scared as I am sometimes. Invariably when I give in to that fear it just doesn’t work out. If I can’t even bring myself to talk to the girl on the phone, then how will I have the nerve to meet her much less approach her as a sexual being and find out if we have any real chemistry together. Email and texting can of course be a way to not really confront the person.

Fortunately that was not the case here. I’ll call my text buddy Mia. Sometimes, texting is a perfect way to set things up. So I asked Mia, “Are we still on for tonight?” Now the reason I didn’t call was because we had just set the date up two days prior. So if I had called the next day, and since we had already spent a chunk of a night making out, I might have seemed needy. So I was giving her space is all. And she responded with an enthusiastic, “Of course Ma Ma.” Cute. She had that way about her – so comfortable with herself and the people around her she would be so sweet to you and she’d absolutely melt you on the spot.

As I walked to the bar I wondered which one of us would show up first. After rereading her text invitation I started to think that maybe all she wanted to do was talk. And of course I wanted to kiss her, but that might not be in the cards. If she really only wanted advice, I was willing to hep. But as soon as I saw her showing her ID to the bouncer, steps in front of me – talk about good timing – I didn’t think “just talking” was going to be enough or quite all that fair.

We were both flirtatious with the bouncer and once inside with the bartender, but I didn’t want this conversation to get out of hand to include the whole bar as an audience so I made sure to try to focus. It helped to remind Mia that I had an event to go to afterwards a few blocks away and she was welcome to join me (more like, darling, you need to come to this event with me, we’ll have lots of fun I promise). The name of it caught her interest, so she was good to go. The event was called Pleasure Salon. Now, who doesn’t want pleasure??

It wasn’t long before Mia contributed to advancing the goal of the night by showing me her recent purchase. She later confessed that she bought it specifically for tonight, but then again, maybe she was only trying to flatter me. In her purse, she had a most interesting toy. It was a nice sized strap-on. As soon as I laid eyes on it, I had to steady myself with my drink. I was a little bit shocked, but kept it together. Actually, it was definitely a good thing for her to show me what was in the bag. It gave me comfort that this temptress of a girl was not at all shy.

I don’t always ask if I can kiss a girl. In fact, I think they say, if you have to ask then you shouldn’t be doing it. And that has certainly killed the mood on a few occasions or has at least brought light to the painful awkward truth that there was never any real chemistry to begin with so stopped me dead on my tracks. Asking for a kiss isn’t always the smoothest approach. But we had established interest in each other so I had two choices. Either just kiss her, or ask her. I think because of her assertiveness, I might have suffered a momentary lapse of shyness and I didn’t want to surprise her. Then again, an overly shy person would have made me pull away more, so here I was and there she was and I just needed to cease the moment. Finally, one confident woman to another, I leaned over to her, wet my lips and almost whispered to her that I’ve been wanting to do this for a while. To be fair, I had already asked for permission the other night. And it wasn’t long before our lips were crushed against each other, our tongues dancing wildly, my hand on her neck, caressing her there, caressing her arms, her skin so soft, I couldn’t even remember where we were – right there on the bar stools with all eyes gazed on us.

When we pulled away from each other, I had to make an effort to compose myself – my body was so warm and face so flushed a sip of my drink could only help me so much. I also didn’t want Mia to feel uncomfortable and we didn’t necessarily want to make a show for every man there. But since it was our moment, we certainly didn’t let anything stop us either – whether or not anyone was watching didn’t entirely make any difference. And we threw ourselves on each other again a few times.

I asked Mia what she thought of Lex and she said he had been very nice the other night – not in the way and letting the girls have all the space they needed, but still certainly making himself a part of the mix. You know, most guys who have an opportunity to party with 5 girls are usually going to be a little creepy in the way that they hang around. But, “he was cool,” she said. Nice. I like to hear that. And we talked some more about our open relationships with our significant others and I talked to her about my boy toy, and I talked to her about serious girlfriends I’d had in the past. She told me how wonderful her husband was, and although he was away on business often, they were really good at giving each other the space they needed and then coming together with a new fervor each time they reunited. And she wanted me to meet him. From the beginning she mentioned that they had a wonderfully open relationship and it just seemed like we were echoing each other in our conversation and in our body language throughout the night.

When we finally got out of our seats, the bartender was begging us not to leave. But we had a couple more things in our agenda and we promised we would return.

We stumbled around outside in each other’s arms. Mind you, we were a little tipsy from the generous bartender’s mix, but we had our wits about us… still focused… each of us had our eye on the prize – though she never seemed to expect anything in particular, patient and carefree as she seemed, I know Mia had her mind on that toy and that was alright with me. As we kissed some more and laughed loudly we made our way to the main street, but then wandered around uncertain whether we should turn left or right to get to our next destination – people must have thought we were crazy. And I enjoyed the fact that nobody knew what fun we were really up to. I had to stop to call Lex for directions because a few blocks away didn’t seem that clear cut anymore. This, after all, was in the village, where up is down and streets can run perpendicular to the same cross street with which they eventually run parallel.

Lex, having almost arrived at our next location, inquired as to whether we were planning on making an appearance. I assured him we were on our way. We even asked someone where the place was, but the moron had not heard of it… where we were going was beyond his world. When we finally saw the lights hanging on the awning of M&R Bar like an invitation for us to continue down the stairs, I was too distracted by my lovely date to even think about composing myself. So we wandered into the place, arm in arm, still flustered from our earlier session. As soon as we entered the room, all eyes turned to the lovely new creature. Before I could stop things, I was greeted with a big warm wet kiss from a fair maiden who I’d previously taken a bath with. I didn’t want my date to get jealous so I brought the three of us together for a three-way kiss.

I introduced Mia to Lex and she soon showed him what was in the bag for the night. She showed him the toy she wanted to use on me. She wanted to make sure he took lots of pictures so she could show her husband and well, we were certainly willing to oblige. I guess there would be no more talking. There were, however, a lot of pictures. The rest of our time at the bar consisted of pose after pose. At one point, Mia was sucking on my breast. I don’t remember all the poses, but I was definitely wrapped up with this sexy vixen all night long. I definitely wanted to give my hello’s to all the familiar faces and I greeted the people I recognized, but right now I don’t really remember who else attended that Pleasure Salon. For me, at that point, it was only Mia, Lex and me having our own Pleasure Salon.

By the time we made it back to our apartment, we had our final task to complete. Meet Mia at the bar. Check. Make out – bonus! Get to Pleasure Salon. Check. Take pictures and make out some more – bonus! Have everyone staring at us with open-jaw – not necessary and I only happened to notice because it’s hard not to feel all those eyes on you – but hey, it helped fuel our fire and Mia was certainly enjoying the attention so – another bonus! Use Mia’s strap-on – well we were just about to check that off the list weren’t we?

Now, I hadn’t wanted to admit this before, especially since we were having so much fun, but I was definitely a little apprehensive about using a strap on or having it used on me since my last experience with it hadn’t been the greatest. But Mia did a great job of warming me up.

Then we drank and we danced and all the clothing came off and we paraded around the apartment giggling and grabbing at each other and kissing some more. I nibbled every part of her body – lips, neck, nipples, breasts, stomach, ass, yummy, yummy. Every part of her was absolutely delicious.

So when she wanted to prop me up I lay myself down on the coffee table (no time to go all the way into the bedroom – the time was NOW!). Then she lubed me up, and before I knew it she had my legs spread wide and was thrusting that bad boy deep inside me. I was loving every minute. Lex was getting some good pictures, umm, for Mia’s husband.

When I took her it was like a whole other game. What a way to change my mind about strap-ons. I took her to the bedroom, and as she lay down and spread out, I balanced myself to get ready for my entrance. Then I thrust the dildo inside her and so expertly held one thigh towards me, I think like I’d seen Lex do with other women. It felt so amazing I swear with every thrust I could feel some tingle. And she was going wild for it!

And all this time Lex was the well behaved photographer, except not entirely. He did find ways to insert himself now and again and I would grab him for a kiss and a spank now and again. And Mia continued to urge him to get those action shots. We needed to preserve this moment well.

Of course the fun was not over yet, because I also wanted Lex inside me, but I was willing to wait once Mia got busy sucking on his cock. I was so delighted to watch them get along and see her technique. It was like my own private porno. I never know what to expect. Some girls have gotten quite shy once they see Lex’s full potential. And to return the favor Lex eagerly lapped up Mia’s pussy as I caressed her. Mmmmm, that made me all the more wet. I imagined what it would be like when it was my turn.

And then came the inevitable question, “do you want to have sex?” and the response, “okay.” Then Lex quickly came back with the condoms. I held on to Mia as Lex stuck it to her just like I had stuck it to her earlier. There have been times when I felt very jealous at the sight of this, but there are those occasions when I feel so comfortable with the other woman that I am just happy to be able to share. And this was one of the times where I was filled with delight at having that chance to share, like a gift that I gave to Mia or a gift that Mia gave to us by agreeing to share. And the more their sweaty bodies pressed and pumped against each other, the more excited I got because we were all able to enjoy ourselves instead of competing for attention.

Once we had each taken our turn fucking Lex, we just collapsed on the bed, drained of all energy, yet glowing.

This glow even lasted into the next morning as Mia and I walked out the door and took the train together – me to work – Mia back to her own home – perhaps to email her husband about the way she spent her night.

Now, I would never say I have a sure thing in front of me, but this date – wa wa wee wa – was in the bag the whole time!