Bisexual Girls Club

Where have all the bad guys and girls gone? Why do I keep meeting all the goody goodies? You’ve heard of those who say, “Why can’t I just meet a descent fella? Why do I keep meeting these bad guys who just want sex [blah, blah, blah]?”

Well, my problem is almost the opposite. I keep meeting people who want to take it slow lately. I mean you could slow it down a little sure… romance a little… maybe for like half an hour or an hour or two. That’s what a date is for, no? But then after that… come on. I want to fuck. Then afterward we can build a friendship. I want to know where the chemistry will lead us first, then I’ll figure out what kind of time I want to spend with you. Why don’t people get that?

Why is it that people want to be so coy about sex? Do they think that there is some security to get from the sex. If a person is going to leave and make you feel empty, they’re going to do it whether or not you have sex with them. If you want more than just sex, don’t think that withholding sex is going to give you what you really want. That’s just not a guarantee. If you want something deeper than sex and you think the promise of sex can help you get at that, then you’re really just fooling yourself. I don’t have time to pretend I don’t want what I want. I’m saying if you want that person, then just do it. Feel good now. Why wait? Anything deeper is going to take time and that’s a separate issue from the sex.

Also, there’s no such thing as any sex is good sex because anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Now of course I’m not talking about any young’ns. You know what I mean? If you’re an adult and you’ve already been having sex for some time, there’s no need to be coy.

I am not some asshole either that just wants to tap in have sex and move off… one night stands are not really my thing (though I’ve done it and it hasn’t necessarily been so bad). I mean if you enjoy yourself why not repeat the experience? I mean, I understand about warming up a little. See, even those who want to take it slow, don’t necessarily know how to warm up properly anyway. They expect to wait forever and ever to get started and hold their breath for a moment that never comes because it’s not going to happen on it’s own. I mean, I want build up a little, but I don’t want to be hot and cold hot and cold… Let’s get to the action the right way and take it from there. But no, I’m not going to wait weeks and weeks. We don’t need to fall in love to have sex.

So there’s this guy I knew from HS who actually said to me “I know you want me to fuck you but I’m not that easy” Yeah, that stupidity just made me lose interest. If he wants to play hard to get, he can stay in high school for all I care. What is he trying to do? Go for the title 40 year old virgin? Look, I don’t need long to figure out if I want to have sex with a specific person. Any adult who tries to sell a line like that is usually not being honest. It’s not like we were total strangers… I mean he could have just said no. That would have been fine. But the whole “maybe I will maybe I won’t attitude” just annoys me.

That’s something I have come to expect from a girl, especially if she has never been with a woman before. I don’t like it when girls say that (though I have learned to be understanding and to try to read whether they do deserve a little patience or if they’re just playing mind games). But I certainly don’t care to hear it from a guy. There are people who just want to wait for life to pass them by. Ok, I understand about patience, but don’t tell me I have to unlock some treasure to prove myself worthy of your sex. Don’t do me any favors. And besides, this guy kept sending mixed signals anyway. And this guy was supposed to be some ladies man?

Maybe he just couldn’t close the deal and I should actually just feel sorry for him.

I’ve had problems like this from women, but now, after hearing this from a guy, I realize it’s not gender specific. It’s just the wrong kind of people getting in my way of enjoying life. So I’ll find those who are on my page.

I need passion…. Girl or guy, I need someone who is serious about action and then we can build from there. I mean it’s like these people want to wait till they’re married to have sex.. wtf…. why on earth would you marry a person you didn’t have sex with first if you didn’t have to? Well, that’s fine really. If they want to wait, let them wait. In the meantime I’ll be having some fun with my life.

…that’s just my opinion.

Is this like an instruction manual guys are supposed to bring on a date?

see more pwn and owned pictures

I don’t really want to repeat myself, but I often do. Anyway, I’m posting this because I started to write this before I wrote Satisfaction. These should probably be combined… but I’ll just put this out there the way I initially thought of it. Maybe it’s a little bit more detail on the related post. I’ll try to change the subject next time. I’m not hating women right now, but I guess I’m having a really hard time a) understanding them and b) understanding why it is that if I myself am a woman, I don’t really seem to have that much better insight into why they do what they do. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been studying them as long as most men I know have been.

Maybe they are more similar to me than I care to admit. That has crossed my mind, but I would like to think that the coldness is not something I convey to others. Maybe my lack of certainty and understanding of myself makes me too sensitive to others’ insensitivities. Maybe these women are more afraid than I and so they guard themselves more tightly. I’ve also had trouble with other women (in a non-sexual situation) where I didn’t play along with their little games… too many people just playing a stupid game that keeps everyone involved from achieving real pleasure?

I used to think that guys were cold. I mean I was just taught that men are insensitive and you can’t trust them. But women can be your friends. You can bond with them and they will show more emotions than a man ever could. It made sense to me since my best friend was a woman. I was never able to reconcile that with the fact that I had more male friends than women friends, and nevertheless, I had some very close relationships with women indeed. The idea that a woman could be so delicate and sensitive and understanding if part of what drew me to be attracted to them. I yearned to find that ultimate intimacy with them (though of course I would never mistaken sex for love, that is clear to me). I just wanted to find that passion, that chemistry combined with gentle beauty unafraid to feel intensity of touch and connection. I thought this could be true. I thought women had this beautiful spirit. The fact that women were never too nice to me just proved to me it was because they didn’t really know the touch of a woman, maybe didn’t want it, maybe didn’t know it could exist. The straight women of course often see me as competition. They can be pretty vicious when they have their eye on something they want and they perceive an obstacle (me). I thought that the solution to that must be to find that connection with women. It was clear to me that I really did like women and it was only my fear of reaching out to them that was keeping me from finding happiness with them. I found that if I stopped hating them like they seemed to hate me, I would find those women who I could make a connection with. If I opened myself up to really be intimate with them, then they would share their beauty with me. They might even share some emotions and intensity. Isn’t that part of what chemistry is about? I used to believe this. I still want to believe this.

I used to think women were so sensitive and unafraid to be in touch with their feelings. Until I started dating them. It was the shock of my life. And I continue to be surprised with each one.

Often, I find that when I see a woman after we’ve hooked up, they can be as distant as if we never touched. I begin again from scratch trying to figure out why I’m left feeling as if I have to impress them. Whether they avoid a hello kiss or other body language that makes me afraid to approach them in a sexy manner. Is it them, or is it me? Well, I don’t think I’m jaded enough to learn from my mistakes because like a fool, I continue to believe that after we’ve been intimate once, I can take them in my arms the second time and build on the good feelings from the previous night. But that almost seems impossible. Sometimes they are more distant. As if they resent me for the “dirty” things they did or as if they finally can no longer pretend. They can only act for so long. Am I just meeting straight women that are bi for a night? Why is is that I keep meeting cold fish who can’t sustain any affection to the second night?

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met some very affectionate women, but, I guess for me, they are few and far between.

So, I think I finally figured it out. Why is it that it bothered me so much with the whole ex-thing?

“So if it wasn’t the sex then I must have cared a little. Or maybe I wanted to care more. And that way it just wouldn’t be cheap sex. If it was great sex, then that would be okay too. That would be another story because I would know it was just lust and I could understand that too. But now I guess I don’t even understand myself either. I guess I just want people to give a damn and that right there is my freaking problem.”

While it’s true that I just want people to give a damn, I don’t think that was necessarily my issue here. Yeah, I probably wanted him to care a little more. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel special or like they matter more than they probably do. I think I figured it out when I said that maybe I wanted to care more. And that’s just it. I didn’t really care that much either. And so, even though the sex wasn’t so great, at least not after a couple of times, I probably just wanted the cheap easy sex too.

I realize that makes me look awful in a way, but in another way not. I mean, I guess it’s the same thing I was accusing him of, which was that he just wanted to get laid. Well, it’s not like that was such a bad thing in it of itself. I want to get laid too and for anybody else who wants to get laid, well there’s nothing wrong with that. It bothered me that that is all he wanted from me yes, but when I think of it some more, that’s really all I wanted from him. And then I struggled to reconcile that in my mind. I wanted to want more from the whole thing because then I might feel more important somehow.

But when I really look inside myself, I see that agreeing to meet up with my ex was because I kind of knew or hoped he would be an easy lay. And then when it wasn’t as good anymore, then maybe that’s when I just plain got bored. Or maybe it wasn’t as good anymore because I was bored. And maybe it pissed me off that it wasn’t boring for him so he was kind of having more fun than I was. Hmmm…

All the while, what I really liked about him was that he was new (albeit someone I’d been with before, it had been so long that he might as well have been new) and different and then certainly easy. He was also the only other one really available at the time. In other words, I had nothing else going on (a man other than Lex that is), so I might as well have sex with him. And in many ways it was all pretty shallow on my part. I admit it, sometimes I just want to get physical.

Nonetheless, I was looking for easy sex from someone whom I found to be very attractive and that’s what my ex was offering, but ultimately that stopped being stimulating pretty quickly. It’s not easy for me to be comfortable with people and I am definitely very picky when choosing a sexual partner, therefore I probably make things much harder for myself than I should. Not that I’m saying I should just sleep with others indiscriminately, but since I’m looking for some easy naughty new sex, then I have to let go of my inhibitions better so that I can get more of what I want without having to look to people from my past who will probably ultimately fall short of the fantasy anyway.

Now since I’m confessing, well I have to say I didn’t really like the shape of his penis either. See he’s uncircumcised, which on it’s own is not a problem for me, but the fact that I couldn’t bring his foreskin down far enough to really see the shape of his head always annoyed me. Of course then I began to compare to Lex’s shape, which is absolutely beautiful, so certainly that was another “point” against the ex. And again that’s shallow of me, but I can’t help it if I like to a certain shape. I would like to be able to just pick any hot guy off the street and just get the sex I want and have him then just leave me alone after that or at least not be annoying (as they invariably are), but I can’t tell just from seeing a hot guy if he’s going to have the right size, shape or know how to use it. I just never know for sure if I’m really going to want the guy until he drops his pants. Sometimes I just want to get laid right and have a good orgasm. Is that too much to ask for?

An ex-lover contacted me last week. The last time I emailed him, I told him I did not want to open up “this door” again. I guess he did not understand what that meant. Either that or he was bored and thought I would be an easy lay. I should have ignored his message, but I was trying to be nice. Eventually he asked me out to lunch. I declined and he said he understood. That seemed simple enough. He was never much for words. It just bothered me so much that he was so unmoved. And here he comes to disturb my peace. I mean I said goodbye and that was that. So why stir the pot suddenly if you don’t even care about the results? To me that’s just plain cruel.

He even told me long ago that he thought I was the one. Those words scared me and were not something I ever wanted from him. So if I would have slept with him regardless, why use such language when it’s meaningless? It’s just pointless confusion added into the mix and false complication which truly disturb me. I don’t understand people sometimes. How they can complicate a situation and not be affected. I like to keep things simple, but when it gets complicated, it affects me strongly and I take it to heart. Maybe I just wanted him to care a little more and that’s stupid of me. Because maybe I don’t want to be wrong in my initial thinking that he was different. And then it makes me wonder why I gave him as much time as I did. Why I cared even a little.

I was glad to be rid of him because I saw he could never really care very much. I got over him pretty soon after I said goodbye though I had to promise myself I wouldn’t think of him because it always bothered me how he could be so unfeeling with someone he had known from way back when. The history doesn’t mean much, I know, but shouldn’t it mean a little more than just a romp in the hay? Then he had to come by again and it doesn’t settle right for me. And his simple words just served to piss me off.

I used to think he was so patient and such a nice guy, but the truth is he was probably like that because he was just not a very passionate man; at least not passionate enough for me. I think I was into the idea of him more than the reality of him. I’m not even sure why I stayed with him as long as I did the first time. I don’t even know why I went back to him when he came looking for me the second time. I don’t know why I responded to him at all when he came looking for me this now third time.

He’d be good in bed once or twice, then it was just the same boring thing over and again. Unfortunately it wasn’t a very orgasmic experience overall. Pardon me, but if possible I want to have at least one orgasm every time. Okay, I’ll forgo it now and again without making a big deal about it, but when no orgasm becomes the norm – well you just can’t expect to keep a multi-orgasmic woman satisfied that way. I don’t think he even knows what a female orgasm is. That’s a pretty unfortunate thing.

So if it wasn’t the sex then I must have cared a little. Or maybe I wanted to care more. And that way it just wouldn’t be cheap sex. If it was great sex, then that would be okay too. That would be another story because I would know it was just lust and I could understand that too. But now I guess I don’t even understand myself either. I guess I just want people to give a damn and that right there is my freaking problem.

Finally I told him to get rid of my email address. I should have blocked him. “Okay, have fun.” Just a simple message from him – two days later. Again with the dispassionate tone. Why did he even bother to continue responding at that point? That really pissed me off. What makes someone contact an ex and not try to do anything meaningful with it? I reiterate, he just wanted to get laid. So I finally told him to leave me alone and that I would block him. Not my most mature moment. As I’ve already stated, I really should have just ignored his message. And now I have to put him out of my mind for good. I just hope he doesn’t change his email address again and try yet another time! I don’t want to have to change my email because this guy keeps wanting to scratch his itch as he pleases on my expense.

Some people think they can just call upon you whenever they please if you don’t explicitly request that they leave you alone. The way we left things the last time, anybody with a clue would not imagine they could come back again. We don’t even travel in the same circles. There was no longer any reason for us to look for each other.

So while I was willing to give a little more, he didn’t really deserve my friendship. I just wish he had been half the decent man he was when I first met him.

I guess you can only walk through the Ex Door once.