Bisexual Girls Club

TV – funny

Bender decides to participate in the robot Olympics but is worried about receiving his medals after learning that his gender will be verified.

Real Life – Not funny

Why is Semenya’s gender the subject of an international investigation?

I had my hair cut very short when I was 14 and when I tried to enroll in a new school the guidance counselor asked my mother, “will your son be taking french class?” I screamed, “I am a girl!” got up, walked away, and never looked back. Anyone who knows me would never imagine that there would be a question of my gender. But at that moment, I was so deeply humiliated.

I’d like to think that I understand gender in a different way now and I am confident in my own womanhood to not be bothered by such things anymore. That’s true for the most part that. When it comes to looks, I know I am seen as a woman, but why do I even have to be seen as a “woman” anyway? I still hold on to some stupid traditions about what a woman should look like. Don’t get me wrong, I like long hair and manicures, but what if I didn’t? And my boobs certainly aren’t very big. Does that make me less of a woman?

Whether it’s long hair or make up or really short skirts, the nagging question seems to never go away. Am I woman enough? I don’t wear makeup and although I doubt I will ever change that, I do get people telling me that I should try that. Why should I? Because I am a woman? Honestly the more I try to find things about myself that are not to be labeled, ways in which I will not conform, the more I find that often I am a slave to labels. Trying not to conform is a full time job. I’ve certainly wanted to go back to really short hair (though for the most part I love having long hair), but I am not confident enough in my looks to think that I can still pull that off and look feminine enough. And there I go again giving in to the stereotype of how I am supposed to look as a woman…

Have we really challenged those accepted gender roles? And why do we even have to make excuses and justifications about looking or behaving gender appropriately?

Perhaps there is some residue of the uncertainly with my womanness when I feel like I need to be more forward than other women around me in order to get what I want and I feel a little less like a “woman” than I want to feel. I know that many would say it’s great to be a take charge kind of gal, but honestly sometimes, around other women who are not as sexually aggressive, I definitely feel like such a “guy.” This becomes an inner struggle for me (there seems to be a lot of that). Do I give in to the desire to act in a more masculine way and risk eclipsing my feminine self? Gender is about both looks and actions and it’s not easy to express both sides of myself peacefully. Perhaps I have a long way to go still to overcome my own gender confusion. I don’t like to let myself get locked into one role, why would I want other people to lock me into one? But see, gender is so much more than the X and Y chromosomes. That’s something I have yet to figure out.

Gracie of Sex Kitten reviews Wives Legal Rights, a book written in 1965, in the entry Marriage In My Lifetime And Yours.

The idea of wifely duties have always pissed me off. So, reading the post about wives legal rights touched a nerve for me.

A similar article is My Goal In Life Is Not To Be A Wife in The Libertine’s Room.

Even though I chose to get married, marriage is an idea I have difficulty dealing with sometimes because of those antiquated ideas still being enforced even by younger people.

Ever since I heard of it, I detested the idea that as a woman I should be obligated to take on the household duties, yet when things in the house have not been picked up, it’s dinner time with no food on the table, or the hamper is full, I find that there is a task I need to complete. Because of my conflicting desire to both reject and take on the responsibility, my husband and I definitely argue about those things. I realize that arguments about household chores can be pretty trivial, but I’ve always felt that somehow those expectations are tied to my value as a person and that by accepting those duties, I am accepting that as a woman that is all I’m good for. While I admit I enjoy those tasks sometimes because I feel immediate satisfaction upon their completion, I don’t want it to be expected from me. Though, it’s a bit ridiculous because it can all too easily become such a political battle and before you know it asking your husband what he wants for dinner is a sign that you let him get his way all the time.

I’ve always felt the need to rebel against traditional roles, but I am so accustomed to playing the traditional gender role, that I think I end up fighting with myself more than anything about not being able to defy those stereotypes enough. I guess the thing is I don’t think everything about traditional gender roles has to be a battle.

Well, obviously I can’t say now that I will never be a wife, because I am, after all, married. But my goal is definitely not to be a wife in the traditional sense. I want to be able to mix some traditional ideas with the non traditional. I didn’t want to get married for a long time. It isn’t for everyone. But it does work for some. However, just because I’m married, doesn’t mean that I’m a sell out and can’t still defy the main stream traditional behaviors. In fact I want to be able to move back and forth between boundaries. Why not? I think the idea that we all need to be in a fixed state is part of what keeps things going such as the battle of the sexes, the conflict about “appropriate” gender roles, the accepted expression of sexuality. It really is all connected.

There is so much in our culture (and in legal language) that makes it so fucking hard to defy traditional gender responsibilities and separate what we like about being women (or men) from how we’re supposed to be as women (or men).

In the same way that stereotypes are restricting and a defiance of them gives a person freedom, I should have the freedom to express the different sides of myself (whether it’s about being feminine vs masculine or dominant vs submissive). It’s not all black and white for me, and so this is something I continue to struggle with. I’m accustomed to calling myself bisexual, but even that is a label I don’t want to always be stuck to. I view my sexuality in the same way that I view gender roles – as something that is or should be more fluid. I am definitely more comfortable with certain aspects of female gender roles, so why can’t I customize my sexuality without being told that I am afraid to make a choice or stand for something? I am in fact standing for something, and that is my right not to be tied to every assumption that people make because of one action.

Let’s start with this: Just because a woman is married definitely does not mean she must be “obedient.” And just because our culture is steeped in traditional roles, doesn’t mean we (man or woman) have to fit the mold completely (if at all).