Bisexual Girls Club

As the Night of Hell in Long Island unfolded, I went along with my presentation and things were going swimmingly for a time. I was passing out the toys and various lotions and powders – one or two at a time from one end of the room to the other end. I was patiently giving massages with the Super Deluxe Smitten and the RomantaTherapy Alluring body lotion. I was numbing people’s lips with the strawberry flavored Nipple Nibbler, which can be used on your nipples for more plumpness. It also works as a chap stick, but it is not vagina friendly. For the clit, you can try the Tasty Tease instead. People seemed to be having fun. They even stopped yelling for the toys for and settled down a bit.

I’m not quite sure when it started to go bad. I think people were just beginning to get tired and just more drunk (calm before the storm) as the night wore on. Hence the real reason for the temporary lull. And I started to have to talk louder and louder over them towards the end. It was only supposed to be half an hour but ended up going to about an hour because there were so many people going in and out of the room who asked me to repeat certain things. That is where I should also have asked Marian, the hostess to control the crowd a bit – if they missed something we could go back to it later. Yeah, now I’m coming up with all these ideas. If was just frustrating and easy to get flustered, though I did handle it well for a while – just that it all fell apart like a cheap suit (!) nearing the end. And I know I was losing the crowd a little, but I started to hand out more vibrators, which they all seemed to like, though some were impatient for their turn. I needed an assistant for crowd control or passing things around so I could attend to the people who were ready to buy NOW.

I too was eager to get to the purchases, but people started to get up. And I tried explaining again that they have to fill out the form – well the only reason I didn’t do it before I started to presentation was because they were already tired then! See, it was a recipe for disaster from the beginning. A big problem was that I was trying to keep them stimulated from the beginning and then later while attending to those who were ready to buy.

My mistakes were numerous.

1. I should have made them fill out the forms in the beginning for sure and I did have that planned, but I skipped it. I skipped when I should have been more disciplined about it, and I didn’t skipped things that I should have.
   
2. I left those toys out (though I did put most of them away, that wasn’t good enough). With the toys it has to be all or nothing. People are fiends for those things! And I have been warned about the toys. So many of the other consultants have had those stolen.
   
3. I really should have skipped some of the lotions in my demonstration (although I find them particularly stimulating, these people just wanted to dildos) so I could have gotten to the sales part more quickly!
   
4. Oh yeah, and I shouldn’t have done the party – yeah, that would have been a wise mistake to avoid
   
5. I shouldn’t have done the raffle; yeah, I’ll tell you about that one shortly…
   
6. I shouldn’t have let the party continue after each ridiculous nonsense that these people tried to pull on me left and right…
   

At some point, Tashala (the bitch!) came back around and I asked her for my feather toy. Not surprisingly, she wouldn’t give the toy back. Another mistake! I should not have asked (another stupid mistake). I should have either stopped the party or told the hostess to get it, but I was trying not to ruin the mood and I guess I was more shocked then I really should have been. Obviously in her state she was going to be as rude as she could be – then she could just blame it on the alcohol and say, “that is not like me at all, I just got carried away,” and that was exactly what she did. The closest thing to an apology, but did I ever get my payment? She’s good for it, and I’m good for it is all I heard from the hostess and from Tashala. By the time I realized she had left, she was calling Marian the hostess back and Marian had to ask her if she left with the toy.

Not concerning myself terribly with the feather toy (not imagining Tashala had actually left – but hell of course next time I will say, “The toy back in my hand or I put everything away immediately and the party ends!”), I went about the business of putting my Magic Monarch, Jelly Osaki, Pink Passion and Gigi (masturbation sleeve) away along with the Nubby G (G spot locator with nubs at the bottom of the shaft). I certainly did not want to lose any of that.

For a moment I panicked for the Gigi. While it may have been a false alarm for the Gigi, maybe that should have reminded me that I had brought out the Ultimate Stroker too! And that one was unopened… so nice and brand new, fresh and ready for anyone to use!

I put all my toys away, or so I thought. The Ultimate Stroker was definitely not put away and the person who had it was probably gone too – snuck out like a rat – or perhaps had it in their bag and smiled at me sheepishly, while saying goodbye, without me realizing it!

Now I was ready for the sales. And lo and behold I get a guy who wanted to bargain with me! He put is like so, “I’m doing you a favor – to make sure you get the sale.” He wanted to get a $10 discount on two items that combined to less than $30! I mean come one. And I was just losing control more and more by the minute. I ended up not charging him for shipping. But for what? I guess I felt I kind of had no choice, but hell, I should have gotten some balls right at that moment and reminded him that this is my source of income (not my only source but as far as anyone’s concerned and the whole reason for me doing the party to begin with – but no everyone has a sob story – even for sex toys) and just said “NO” to him!

He kept pressing me for the Love Smitten (a harder version of the Super Deluxe Smitten) at a ridiculous bargain (actually I forgot I even had a new unopened one with me!) and I refused him. So he finally paid me for his order and I moved on.

Now stupidly I continued without regrouping and just deciding to cut my losses. Why bother doing them any favors. I had started with the idea of a raffle and all I had to do was call out the ticket number which I had chosen before giving out the tickets (allowing people to randomly grab them so no I did not see who would have the winning number). And I proceeded to read the number out loud. Given the disastrous turn of events, even already at this time – 5 purchases totaling under $300! – I should have read a false number. Screw that, why should they get anything?? And then I still could have given a tiny prize for the raffle, but I felt like they were under whelmed and so I wanted to leave with a wow maybe? I did not have my thinking cap on or my business cap on because frankly I was exhausted. And so for some reason trying to please people with my presentation in all the wrong ways, I gave out the Love Mitten which probably would have been better just to keep for myself or hell I should have sold it to that guy for twice as much. It just all happened so fast, and rather than stop myself I just wanted to run away and so in a way rushed through the last half hour I was there without thinking things through better. I felt bombarded by everyone. I don’t know, maybe I was intimidated. This was my biggest party ever. And some people seemed rather sweet; maybe it confused me because there were others that were such assholes I almost just wanted to gain some alliances. Or maybe I felt obligated to finish absolutely everything I set out to do from the beginning. I was a slave to my own plan in a way. Maybe I’m not so good on the fly when money is involved. And certainly not being used to this type of business practice… How could I have made so many mistakes?

Now as soon as the guy saw the raffle winner get the toy he wanted in a raffle, he gave me the most evil look! And I merely shrugged my shoulders and said, “I can’t help it. She won it. Sorry.” But he didn’t even deserve my apologies. Though if my head were in the right business mode, I would have given her a tiny lotion and sold the Love Smitten to him!

And it wasn’t until after the raffle that I noticed my Ultimate Stroker was missing.

I started my presentation around 10pm and didn’t leave till after midnight.

Getting up to the train was another disaster. In my mind, I would grab the handles of the suitcases on wheels that contained all my belongings and just pull from behind me as I entered the escalator. That didn’t quite work as the red luggage toppled over and the handles of the bag that sat on top of it broke. So I tied the leather handles of that bag tightly onto the metal/plastic handles of the red luggage. Then I tried again. I placed the black luggage in front of me and moved the red one behind me. That didn’t quite work either. I nearly fell over the front one as the back one pushed me when the escalator moved forward. All the while my “helpful” driver was just watching me and asking if she could help. It was pretty embarrassing actually and even though I could have used the help, I didn’t even know where to start. The red luggage fell again but seemed to be stuck in one place. So I just told her I had it and that I would pick the stuff up at the top of the stairs so she need not worry about me. But I knew it was all pretty damn precarious.

Once I got closer to the top of the stairs, I could tell that the luggage in front of me was not budging. Not only had it jammed at a weird angle, it was extremely heavy. So my idea of tossing it over the top of the escalator as I got to the edge wasn’t really my best option. No, going up those escalators was not my brightest moment. Somehow I became stuck at the top. My arms had no strength left in them and I helplessly watched as the leather straps of the smaller bag (which sat on the red luggage) began to break again. And the red luggage now sat on the highest incline of the escalator. Then the leather bag started to spill out all the folders it contained.

Not to lose yet more of my belongings, I bent over to grab the folders as quickly as possible (it’s possible I was somehow able to secure them a little), but seconds after realized I might be in danger of toppling over myself. So I threw the folders over the top of the staircase and then jumped over the black luggage in front of me so that at least I could be out of the danger zone myself. Then immediately after jumping over I turned back to grab more folders. As it turns out they weren’t going anywhere. They were pretty jammed against the escalator wall and at the same time getting chewed up by the escalator’s teeth.

I got scratched up but finally got all the folders onto the platform. Then with the last bit of strength I found somehow, I pulled out the red and black suit cases and gathered around my mess to pick it all up.

I did see some people there, but they were too busy minding their own business so I tried to simply assess the damage. Finally I got all the folders and crap I had with me in one place and sat down. The folders suffered minimal damage (some torn up some with foot prints all over) all things considered.

I felt almost lifeless at that point. Waiting for the train for about an hour made me rethink a lot of things. And I called Lex and he comforted me. And I waited some more for the train.

Exhausted though I was I stayed awake through the whole ride (probably another hour) – not wanting to wake up with all my shit gone!

At Penn Station I made my way along the platform, only to stop dead in my tracks at an escalator. As if I was reliving a Pavlovian nightmare, I couldn’t move forward. No way I was getting on the escalator again. So I started to search for an elevator. A man noticed me and, figuring what I was looking for, assured me that there was an elevator at the other end of the platform. I followed him for a couple of minutes and it seemed eerily quiet all around me (at this point it was past 2am). So, I stopped once again and thought, “No way, you’re going from the fire into the frying pan! This man might mean you harm. Think! There’s no one around. You’re going to have to force yourself up the escalator again. That’s your only choice!” And also, “Am I about to get assaulted??” That did cross my mind. So I rushed back to the escalator telling the man thank you and that I would find another way. Luckily part of it was only my paranoid thoughts (though I still think it WAS SAFER to just head back to the escalator) because the man offered to help me up the escalator. So I hesitantly let him grab one of the suit cases (he could still steal my shit! Come on, this is New York. You can’t underestimate anyone!). And he safely got me up the stairs. Finally, I met a Good Samaritan.

So here I was, still alive. Ready to take the train home (yes another one!). And at that moment I just thought fuck this. I’m taking a taxi the rest of the way. And even though I started to make a plan for how I would get myself to the 1 or the E and then transfer at a station with an elevator for the L, I just gave up the fight and got out into the street for a sweet ride home! Eating up more of my measly profits on the way, I couldn’t be more relieved to just be able to sit back.

I made it home after 3am.

****

Several calls and emails to Tashala and Marian trying to get payment for my feather toy – two months later. Tashala insisted that the check was in the mail, even though I initially asked for a credit card number. I shouldn’t even have given her my address. I even started to get paranoid about that. Because I imagined harassing her for the money, yet not knowing where she lives she could more easily come over to me and threaten me back more seriously (? Don’t know where my head was?). Hell – what was I going to do to enforce any of my requirements! The company doesn’t help in that situation. How can they really? And I certainly didn’t have time to knock at their doors. It would cost me more than the toy to go back and forth to Long Island! I still don’t have the payment for my feather toy and no of course Marian never found my Ultimate Stroker.

And I never heard from anyone else from that party even though they said they were interested in more (products, parties, even becoming consultants themselves). I guess when they saw that my shit was stolen they decided to be smarter than I was and not bother with this shit.

I got a ride to the LIRR station, but that was almost the only bit of luck. That and I guess not getting robbed and well, I made it home in one piece. None the worse for wear. No, that type of party situation is not what I ever bargained for! At least the night of hell in Long Island was finally over.

I should have seen this coming…

When a friend told me that she knew someone who wanted to have a sex toys party along with a Candle Light party, my initial instinct was, umm… I don’t think so. There were so many reasons I could think of why it wouldn’t work. The first one was that it would be the wrong crowd for my line of products. I mean, sure candles can be very sexy, but somehow it seemed like that would draw some little old ladies. And of course, you’re asking the potential customers to stretch their budget between TWO stores and it would just be unnecessary competition. Unfortunately, since I had not had a party in a while, I thought A Party was better than None. I didn’t focus on the other red flags.

Basically what I walked into was a recipe for disaster and what I thought were challenges I was supposed to face, where actually just me shooting myself in the foot so that I could prove I could take the pain. My true challenge, which I failed, had been to be strong enough to refuse the party, especially once I found out if was in Long Island.

It took me so long to prepare, I ended up calling in sick for work just to set up. I was told there were going to be 50 people attending. A mix of men and women. Not my normal crowd, but hey, it sounded like a great opportunity. I almost wonder if I was being greedy, but hey, am I supposed to be intimidated by the fact that there were so many people?? I’m sure there have been parties like this or other product demos with that many and more parties and it’s not called being greedy – it’s just called doing business.

Even my friend bailed when she found out it was in Long Island. I should have taken that out! Should’a, would’a, could’a…

Another big red flag was that my aunt was supposed to drive me there and pick me up, or so I thought. As she was helping me get my stuff in the car and make some final preparations (stuffing envelops with new catalogs and order forms – A week before the party I realized I didn’t have enough catalogs and had my aunt bring me some as I would not be able to get new ones in time – it was like something out of newbie central), my aunt said, “I didn’t say I would pick you up,” after I mentioned around what time I would be ready for her to come get me… Now that was a shock to my system. At this point I could have faked an injury – or just man up and say well things fell through and I must unavoidably cancel – I was trying to not be the one who said she’d be there and then flaked out at the last minute. I really hate being that person and I didn’t want to disappoint my friend since she got me the gig. Still, what the hell did I owe anyone? The truth is I could have just eaten crow later about it and then next time not let a friend get me a gig. It would have been preferable to have taken shit from my friend for a little while then what did transpire. Well, instead of being firm and said NO! Stop the clock! This is NOT HAPPENING! and realizing that this was an insane expedition, I swallowed the butterflies in my stomach and pressed onward. Hell, with two perfectly good suitcases on wheels, this should be almost a piece of cake!

There’s a thin balance in saying no between being the stubborn brat who says, “I can’t,” or “I won’t,” and being the decisive adult who says, “I can’t,” or “I won’t. Perhaps sometimes I worry too much about others respecting my decisions. Although I admire flexibility in person, I have a lot of respect for people who stick to their guns without expressing a lot of doubt. Regardless, I made my choices and I have to live with that.

I’m not sure at what point it became a comedy of errors, but it just seemed like one bit of ridiculous nonsense after another once it all started to fall apart. If only I could have watched it all unfold from the distance. In the car I began to practice my demo and it all seemed like it was actually going to work out.

As soon as I got there my aunt seemed a little worried… I don’t know if she had some sixth sense about it or her own prejudices were giving her the jitters, but at that moment I should have practiced a bit of her skepticism. That would be my last chance to get out unscathed. My aunt even offered to stick around. Unfortunately my nerves took everything the wrong way. In my mind I thought I was answering a question of whether I was strong enough to do this on my own… either that or I knew I was too weak to do a winning presentation and didn’t want to flail in front of my dear aunt. Would want her to think she had something to be proud of. What I should have been doing was swallowing my pride and accepted her last offer to help.

As she left, she continued to look back over her shoulder. I thought, “Now is the time. Either sink or swim.” And I felt a kick of, “Damn at least let me do a good enough job. I think I can, I think I can… let’s go woman get to it.” And so I began my night of hell in Long Island.

I was supposed to start at 8pm. The candle person hadn’t even started yet and it was just after 730pm. So I was offered some margaritas (no I did not partake, well perhaps just a sip, but I absolutely did not have more than a sip… that path I knew was wrong – not because I don’t love to drink, but because I wanted my wits about me at all times. At least I did that right). Everyone around me was drinking. They seemed pleasant enough so I grabbed a few crackers and grapes and my margarita and sat down, just trying to start a conversation with anyone really, but mostly looking at my index cards just to make sure when it came to my turn I had everything organized.

It got to be pretty exhausting actually. I probably didn’t even start until about 930 or 10pm! Well, finally it was my turn. At this point everyone was restless and they seemed to think I was there to perform a sex show. Some people were shouting bring out the toys. Tashala, a slightly inebriated, slightly flirtatious, slightly obnoxious woman, approached me. My first mistake during my presentation (even though every instinct told me this woman was probably a real bitch) was to let her hold my feather toy. Naively, I thought it would calm her down and keep her from becoming a troublemaker…

That’s what the lovely waitress called it when she handed us our shots of absinthe. “What is this?” Michael asked. “Liquid Ecstacy,” was the reply as the waitress set the drinks down on the table. Michael was with the wicked sexy Trinidad imp, Jasmine. She was off flirting with someone else at the moment, while Michael and I were contemplating downing the poison. With an open bar available for two hours, we definitely had to pace ourselves. Although Michael seemed to be a little more scared of his drink then I – perhaps I should have been scared…

The night was a blur…

These are the moments I can remember:

Meeting the crew downstairs – Flirting with the ladies at the door is always fun. One reminded me of a shape shifter. Without my glasses on I couldn’t quite tell if she was facing me or not from the distance as I walked away from the door for a smoke break. Her leopard print hair scarf didn’t help the matter. Yes patterns add to the confusion when things are already blurry. So, I told her she looked like a shape shifter and was able to use that line on her all night. It always put a smile on her face. These are some of the silly things that make us happy.

I found the hostess (with the most-est) immediately. Even though I had never met her before I had seen her picture once. It’s nice to feel like you’re meeting an old friend even for a moment when you’re going into a place where you really don’t know anyone. So it helped me get started with my game face. It gave me a little confidence boost so that I could approach other party goers.

Jasmine was the first to introduce herself to me since I was alone. A single bisexual woman – like a unicorn… For a moment I had the pleasure of being one. Not that I want to be single mind you, but every once in a while it’s nice getting the attention that is usually reserved for an unattached female. At least in the beginning, everybody seems to be looking for the single girl.

Just the same, I was ecstatic to greet my husband at the door. The moment he arrived he was like a big trophy placed in my arms. I hope that doesn’t sound too materialistic, but hey I guess I’m proud to be associated with someone like him (if men can have what they call their “Trophy Wife” why can’t I have my moment to enjoy my “Trophy Husband” hmmm? Okay, okay, he’s much more than that! He’s my best friend too. But hey, I can’t help it if I consider myself totally lucky to have found him and am proud to let people know that!). I can have fun on my own, but I can have a lot more fun with him around. And to watch him charm the pants of someone (figuratively and literally too sometimes) is quite sexy.

We met Jasmine’s friends. One lovely lady, Lisa, had a tattoo of a martini on her back. Lex flirtatiously pointed out her tattoo and said, “A woman after my own heart.” He’s quite the charmer I tell you.

I also met a girl from the Bisexual Girl’s Club, but I didn’t initially recognize her. She had been shy at the last meeting and now her hair was was different. Silly me, I did invite the club members to the event! I just didn’t think someone would actually be there. In any case, I was just enjoying meeting more women, as always. Well, the shy one, Nina, remembered me. The vibe wasn’t right for her the other night, but this night was very different. I really had not expected her to be at this little black dress party.

Talked to many lovely ladies and gave them my card. Everyone was so very friendly. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was specifically the absinthe. I can’t imagine I had any special way about me that night. But I did feel pretty good.

Talked to the woman who looked like the sister of a friend of mine only this one was not so innocent and not so much off limits. Let’s call her Cindy. We eventually started making out… of course, with a bunch of lovely ladies and some good cocktails… what else are you supposed to do? Now I’m just not entirely sure in what order all the kissing started. I think Nina was next. Not because I was looking for a line up lol. But like I said, I just felt pretty good and everyone was very friendly. It just started with one touch and the rest was like butter.

I told Nina I wasn’t sure if I chose the right underwear so I revealed it and she said good choice – but as soon as I brought out my ass everyone wanted to spank it. and of course i enjoyed letting them. I love to have my ass admired!

And I was so happy Nina came to the party because of my invite…. eventually we were sweet talking each other so much we just had to make out.

Now there suddenly was Jasmine, Lisa, Nina, Cindy, and myself all dancing and of course the lovely hostess… We had a nice female dance pile up going. We seemed to all move like one single animal. I don’t know how we stood up flowing into each other’s bodies all awkwardness gone from our minds. Reaching for each other and feeling soft skin everywhere and smooth music that went right through us. It kind of reminded me of my old days in Twilo.

There was something – was it the moon? Or was it the absinthe. One shot really does go a long way. And Nina, Cindy and I had a nice three way kiss going on too at some point.

It was a bit difficult to connect as much with Lex as there were really so many lovely ladies. I think we were just trying to take it all in… or maybe it was – yep – you guessed it – the absinthe (!). But I’m only saying that in retrospect. I really didn’t suspect that concoction at all that night.

At some point I was holding Jasmine up (or trying to – well, it wasn’t my idea! she was begging for it – to be stretched that is – she had some idea in her head about a dance move or something and well she was really pretty insistent – not like I’m going to just refuse to help her out a little) as she stretched backward – not such a good job as I stumbled for the first time of the night in my red heels (a little color to go with my black dress). She said, “I’m glad it was you who fell on me and not the other way around.” Hmmmm… what did that mean? Was she calling me clumsy? I ended up paying for that later. I still have the scars on my knees. Well, they will eventually go away… but next time I will be stronger for the magical feat of that dance move. Maybe I am inspired to get that move right.

It’s not the first time I fell for a lady. Only the last time, the girl fell on me first. We were at a rooftop party and she was trying to make a guy jealous. We were dancing and she kept pushing against me. I told her I was losing my balance but she wouldn’t stop pushing (ever hear of “no means no”). Suddenly I felt us falling and tried to grab Lex or let him or anyone know I needed a hand but to no avail. The only choice I had left was to make sure I didn’t get hurt by falling awkwardly flailing like mad trying to grab on to something around me. You know how that goes. You’ve seen those bad falls in America’s Funniest Videos or else in one of those Crazy moments caught on tape – it’s like a train wreck. You know it can only end badly with broken limbs or worse yet no one really can seem to do anything to stop it. So I picked her up and tried to throw the rest of my weight flat onto the ground. Amazingly it worked. I just ruined my most sexy white jeans, but at least we fell flat and incurred minimal damage. I wish I had been that “smooth” this time around.

Well that was just a little smoke break. As soon as Jasmine got up, I handed her over to Lex and some other guy so she could pull her shenanigans on someone else. And that she did. At that point she was testing to see who could hold her right. Silly girl. Fun and sexy and very friendly, but very silly…

Throughout the night there were lots of smiling, already familiar faces, some more were a blast from the past. Some girls from the club I later learned that I missed making contact with.

I made my way back upstairs and through the crowd. There was one thing I needed to do. Earlier Michael said there was someone with stinky breath walking among us. So in order to help out and not directly unnecessarily point that out to anyone in particular, I made a game of it. I told a group of about 8 people standing in a circle – a mix of guys and girls – that they had to get one spray into their mouth. Hey, I should be getting paid for this commercial. I used my little Listerine spray/pump on everyone in the group including myself so that no one would feel singled out. Hey it was tasty and fun and killed some bad breath. After all the drinking going on, we probably could have all used it anyway. That’s what I carry that for. Just to be safe though, I sprayed the original intended recipient twice, maybe three times! Well, it could also be seen as a challenge… how much breath spray can you take?? Are you man enough – or woman enough?

Eventually the absinthe got the better of me and I stumbled out of the club but not such a bad night all in all. But if it wasn’t for Lex, I might have had to sleep at the club to sober up before getting home! Still, I remember feeling elated and well meeting a whole lot of friendly people. Certainly more friendly women in general. It’s not always easy to find other women who can let loose and not see another woman as competition. We were all more like a partners in crime that night. If it hadn’t been a “school night” I would have gotten my second wind at least I’d like to think so. This was just supposed to be an easy, mellow-like, no-expectations, not-too-crazy night out. And it all really started with a little black dress and some liquid ecstasy.