Bisexual Girls Club

Gracie of Sex Kitten reviews Wives Legal Rights, a book written in 1965, in the entry Marriage In My Lifetime And Yours.

The idea of wifely duties have always pissed me off. So, reading the post about wives legal rights touched a nerve for me.

A similar article is My Goal In Life Is Not To Be A Wife in The Libertine’s Room.

Even though I chose to get married, marriage is an idea I have difficulty dealing with sometimes because of those antiquated ideas still being enforced even by younger people.

Ever since I heard of it, I detested the idea that as a woman I should be obligated to take on the household duties, yet when things in the house have not been picked up, it’s dinner time with no food on the table, or the hamper is full, I find that there is a task I need to complete. Because of my conflicting desire to both reject and take on the responsibility, my husband and I definitely argue about those things. I realize that arguments about household chores can be pretty trivial, but I’ve always felt that somehow those expectations are tied to my value as a person and that by accepting those duties, I am accepting that as a woman that is all I’m good for. While I admit I enjoy those tasks sometimes because I feel immediate satisfaction upon their completion, I don’t want it to be expected from me. Though, it’s a bit ridiculous because it can all too easily become such a political battle and before you know it asking your husband what he wants for dinner is a sign that you let him get his way all the time.

I’ve always felt the need to rebel against traditional roles, but I am so accustomed to playing the traditional gender role, that I think I end up fighting with myself more than anything about not being able to defy those stereotypes enough. I guess the thing is I don’t think everything about traditional gender roles has to be a battle.

Well, obviously I can’t say now that I will never be a wife, because I am, after all, married. But my goal is definitely not to be a wife in the traditional sense. I want to be able to mix some traditional ideas with the non traditional. I didn’t want to get married for a long time. It isn’t for everyone. But it does work for some. However, just because I’m married, doesn’t mean that I’m a sell out and can’t still defy the main stream traditional behaviors. In fact I want to be able to move back and forth between boundaries. Why not? I think the idea that we all need to be in a fixed state is part of what keeps things going such as the battle of the sexes, the conflict about “appropriate” gender roles, the accepted expression of sexuality. It really is all connected.

There is so much in our culture (and in legal language) that makes it so fucking hard to defy traditional gender responsibilities and separate what we like about being women (or men) from how we’re supposed to be as women (or men).

In the same way that stereotypes are restricting and a defiance of them gives a person freedom, I should have the freedom to express the different sides of myself (whether it’s about being feminine vs masculine or dominant vs submissive). It’s not all black and white for me, and so this is something I continue to struggle with. I’m accustomed to calling myself bisexual, but even that is a label I don’t want to always be stuck to. I view my sexuality in the same way that I view gender roles – as something that is or should be more fluid. I am definitely more comfortable with certain aspects of female gender roles, so why can’t I customize my sexuality without being told that I am afraid to make a choice or stand for something? I am in fact standing for something, and that is my right not to be tied to every assumption that people make because of one action.

Let’s start with this: Just because a woman is married definitely does not mean she must be “obedient.” And just because our culture is steeped in traditional roles, doesn’t mean we (man or woman) have to fit the mold completely (if at all).