The Ex Door
Sep 16, 12:48 PM
An ex-lover contacted me last week. The last time I emailed him, I told him I did not want to open up “this door” again. I guess he did not understand what that meant. Either that or he was bored and thought I would be an easy lay. I should have ignored his message, but I was trying to be nice. Eventually he asked me out to lunch. I declined and he said he understood. That seemed simple enough. He was never much for words. It just bothered me so much that he was so unmoved. And here he comes to disturb my peace. I mean I said goodbye and that was that. So why stir the pot suddenly if you don’t even care about the results? To me that’s just plain cruel.
He even told me long ago that he thought I was the one. Those words scared me and were not something I ever wanted from him. So if I would have slept with him regardless, why use such language when it’s meaningless? It’s just pointless confusion added into the mix and false complication which truly disturb me. I don’t understand people sometimes. How they can complicate a situation and not be affected. I like to keep things simple, but when it gets complicated, it affects me strongly and I take it to heart. Maybe I just wanted him to care a little more and that’s stupid of me. Because maybe I don’t want to be wrong in my initial thinking that he was different. And then it makes me wonder why I gave him as much time as I did. Why I cared even a little.
I was glad to be rid of him because I saw he could never really care very much. I got over him pretty soon after I said goodbye though I had to promise myself I wouldn’t think of him because it always bothered me how he could be so unfeeling with someone he had known from way back when. The history doesn’t mean much, I know, but shouldn’t it mean a little more than just a romp in the hay? Then he had to come by again and it doesn’t settle right for me. And his simple words just served to piss me off.
I used to think he was so patient and such a nice guy, but the truth is he was probably like that because he was just not a very passionate man; at least not passionate enough for me. I think I was into the idea of him more than the reality of him. I’m not even sure why I stayed with him as long as I did the first time. I don’t even know why I went back to him when he came looking for me the second time. I don’t know why I responded to him at all when he came looking for me this now third time.
He’d be good in bed once or twice, then it was just the same boring thing over and again. Unfortunately it wasn’t a very orgasmic experience overall. Pardon me, but if possible I want to have at least one orgasm every time. Okay, I’ll forgo it now and again without making a big deal about it, but when no orgasm becomes the norm – well you just can’t expect to keep a multi-orgasmic woman satisfied that way. I don’t think he even knows what a female orgasm is. That’s a pretty unfortunate thing.
So if it wasn’t the sex then I must have cared a little. Or maybe I wanted to care more. And that way it just wouldn’t be cheap sex. If it was great sex, then that would be okay too. That would be another story because I would know it was just lust and I could understand that too. But now I guess I don’t even understand myself either. I guess I just want people to give a damn and that right there is my freaking problem.
Finally I told him to get rid of my email address. I should have blocked him. “Okay, have fun.” Just a simple message from him – two days later. Again with the dispassionate tone. Why did he even bother to continue responding at that point? That really pissed me off. What makes someone contact an ex and not try to do anything meaningful with it? I reiterate, he just wanted to get laid. So I finally told him to leave me alone and that I would block him. Not my most mature moment. As I’ve already stated, I really should have just ignored his message. And now I have to put him out of my mind for good. I just hope he doesn’t change his email address again and try yet another time! I don’t want to have to change my email because this guy keeps wanting to scratch his itch as he pleases on my expense.
Some people think they can just call upon you whenever they please if you don’t explicitly request that they leave you alone. The way we left things the last time, anybody with a clue would not imagine they could come back again. We don’t even travel in the same circles. There was no longer any reason for us to look for each other.
So while I was willing to give a little more, he didn’t really deserve my friendship. I just wish he had been half the decent man he was when I first met him.
I guess you can only walk through the Ex Door once.